A Bit of Fun with Velvet Rope

Okay, so you know how at movie theaters and art museums and snooty LA clubs (I'm never subjecting myself to that again.  Ever) and many, many other places they have those fancy velvet ropes that somehow yell out, "Stay back, ye unworthy swine!"?  The sort of ropes that seem to carry their own weight of authority behind which we mere mortals fear to tread? 

Well, guess what?  Today I found where one may puchase this very thing.  Have a priceless faberge egg sitting around that you're worried about being fondled by some uncouth guests (and let's face it, who doesn't have a few of those just laying around--eggs that is, not guests), well, now you can rope it off in proper fashion to let your unwashed hangers-on know that they are OFF limits!  Or maybe you have been playing Magic The Gathering so long that you have an unbeatable deck that you want to formally declare "off limits" to your "friends" and their greedy little paws?  Maybe there's a special room in your house that you think of as your "throne room" (if you know what I mean)?  Well, what better way to show the world that you are a big shot and they are mere peons who--if they're lucky--might (at best) catch a slight glimpse of the wondrous treasures you have tucked away in your treasure room.  (You do have a treasure room don't you? You know, filled with all manner of delicate, priceless and useless objets d'art?). 

Well, let me tell you, there is no better way to mark those spaces and treasured valuables than with a bona fide velvet rope.  You can't question the rope.  The rope is there.  It means stay back.  It isn't meant to be pondered or questioned or even thought about. 

Well, now such aloof and snooty barriers are yours at affordable prices:
http://www.allendisplay.com/Store-Fixtures/Traditional-Post-and-Rope


For only $123.95, this bad boy can serve duty in your own well-appointed abode.

And, obviously you need the rope, available for the bargain basement price of only $15.95

Now, am I the only one who sees many great comedy scenarios that could arise from gleeful misuse of these products?   "I'm sorry, sir, you can't use the men's room.  William Shatner is in there, and by the sounds of it, he's taking a double Shatner so I think he's going to be a while.  Feel free to use the ladies' room until we reopen." 

Or, if you're like some people I know (who totally are not me), maybe you'd be more comfortable "reading a magazine" at work in the relaxation of your own private washroom. . .

Or, place it obsessively around some mundane object that in no way requires such treatment.  Maybe there's a certain Swingline stapler your boss has had his eye on?  Well this says, mitts off, Mr. Lumburgh!

My friend Whitney pointed out that this could be useful in signaling to your coworkers that that special sandwich in the lunchroom is only for you, and not for the likes of such plebians! 

Maybe you could find a bar that does not charge a cover, and set up outside charging your own cover until you get busted.  Then you could easily run away, cackling gleefully as you shoulder your fancy equipment while imagining banjo driven get away music playing. . .

You could buy a really pretty, really expensive and desirable Doll that your neice really wants, and invite her over, but tell her she isn't allowed to touch the dolly, just to admire it.  Maybe a friend in a faux security uniform could forcefully eject her from the premises if she fails to follow the rules.  Hey, your place, your rules, right?  Besides, what kind of a knuckle-dragging neanderthal doesn't know to respect the rope?  Hello!   It's RED.  It's VELVET.  This means mitts off to everyone but those of use who have the "in" with the glitterati. 

Of course, to really sell it, you could probably benefit from one of these:

Nothing says, "I'm important" quite like an object that has been placed on a Doric column and surrounded by red velvet ropes.  I think that's how we're supposed to know what ART truly is.  "Is it art?"  "Well, it is resting on a column and surrounded by red velvet ropes...of course it is art!  What sort of a rube are you?"  Who's up for sneaking in to an art gallery with me, and setting up a colum, brass bars, red velvet ropes, placing an ordinary Campbell's Tomato Soup can on top and maybe some type of self-righteous placard declaring the brilliance of the piece and then sitting back and letting the magic happen.  Tell me there would not be a fair number of people to stop and "Admire" the "work" while trying to devine its meaning?  (It's all about commercialism, duh!).  We'd basically be taking Warhol's work and improving on it.  "See, ours is *three dimensional*!  Please try viewing it through the special "viewing lense" (a cheap, children's viewfinder) to get the full depth and painstaking talent that went into replicating the original product of Warhol's fame. . .""  

I think, perhaps, though, using it to feign importance with everyday objects may be the most hilarious use for this. 

"Oh, that urinal?  I'm sorry, sir, but that one is reserved for Mr. Kelvar."  :-)

Does anyone have any other suggestions of how these things might be misused to hilarious effect?

Kelvar.